Lets talk about Autism.
This is a very personal post for me as my brother has Autism. I thought it might be worth doing a post on what is it like to live with a person who has Autism. My brother was diagnosed in 1998, just a few days before his third birthday so it's always been part of my life, I would have been four when he was diagnosed so I've lived with it literally most of my life.
Before I begin this post is in no way, shape or form the clear defining feeling/thoughts of living with someone who has Autism, because everyone has different experiences. I'm just speaking from how it's been for me and my family. Who knows, it might even help someone who also has a sibling, friend or family member with Autism.
I remember growing up, seeing the strain in my parents relationship. I would just sit there thinking that it can't be easy trying to raise an autistic child with virtually no help from professionals, alongside tackling work, upkeep of the house, my grandparents and myself - it must've been difficult.
People need to realise that my brother was never a badly behaved child having a tantrum, the atmosphere of the supermarket gets to him, the sounds, the amount of people, the surroundings... Just imagine putting yourself in his shoes for just a day, would you be able to cope? The National Autistic Society posted a great video in March on what it feels like for Autistic people in public settings, you can see this video below!
Credit: National Autistic Society
I asked my brother if this is what it felt like for him and he said it was. I struggled to make to the end of a one minute clip so how can it be easy to do this every day of your life?
I'm not going to lie, sometimes I did feel left out because my parents did have to focus a lot of time on Ryan because he just needed more attention whereas I was quite independent. I don't resent my parents for this at all. They did all they could and more. They treated us both equally in other aspects of our family life. At the time, I was pretty pissed that Ryan got more attention but looking back I totally get it and I'm not bitter at all.
I get so angry when people tut, stare and sigh at my brother - especially when we were younger. Even worse when they used to take the piss out of him. The amount of arguments my parents have had with total strangers and I've also had a fair few arguments because of peoples ignorance.
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| I have no idea why he has pegs on his head... |
One memory that sticks in my head is when we were younger - I heard uncontrollable sobbing, I went to the stairs and there was Ryan on the stairs, hating himself and wishing he wasn't alive. I asked him what was wrong and he told me "I'm sorry for being Autistic, I'm useless, I'm a waste of space." That broke my heart into pieces. I couldn't believe my brother felt this way, that people had MADE him feel like he was nothing more than a piece of dirt. I'm not going to go into this too much because this is my brother's personals stuff that I would rather not post on here and I know he wouldn't like it. He does have many other issues, not just Autism.
It's like a vicious cycle for Ryan, I've seen it happen too much. He gets confident - he enjoys something - he drastically improves - something/someone upsets him consistently and down he goes again back to square one.
After being in a special needs school for the larger part of his life, he did something we didn't expect him to do - put himself into mainstream college... What. The. Hell. It was incredible. I was so happy, I even shed a few tears. To put himself into a completely unknown setting it's just amazing. Anyone who knows someone with Autism will completely get everything I am talking about.
My brother has done pretty good considering. His obsession is trains and we thankfully live in a town where there is a miniature railway. Funnily enough it's where we both work! He started volunteering down there years and years ago, everyone was so welcoming to him. Mum used to freak out about leaving him but we knew he was in safe hands. Since then, he's never left! He's just finished his apprenticeship there and is currently working the season. It's lovely to see. This job has allowed him to flourish and I know that my parents are forever grateful. I know I am.
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| This was Ryan and I in 2013 I believe at my cousins wedding. |
I think society just need to give people on the ASD spectrum a chance. Anyone with a physical/mental disability deserves a chance, they deserve as many chances and opportunities as a 'normal' person (I use 'normal' loosely, what even is normal? My brother got his chance and it's completely transformed him as a person. Sure he gets fumbled now and then, he stutters, twitches, panics, stresses... But he does it. The customers at work are very respectful of my brother when he deals with them and I love that. It's just lovely seeing him being given the chance and seeing how much he's been able to progress because of it. He's a completely different person from how he used to be.
To look at my brother, you wouldn't think he had Autism at all, or any other disabilities. He never used to have speech, he couldn't write, he couldn't really do anything. His first words were to a Robbie Williams song and since then he's never shut up! He probably doesn't remember this but we would play 'schools' and I would get him to read and write (without him realising my plan mwuhahaha) He has progressed so much since infant school it's pretty amazing and I'm so proud of him.
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| Awww how cute are we *sassy & unicorn emoji* |
So the point of this post?
To share my experience. For any parents who have just had the diagnosis of their child on the ASD spectrum (because there is not just Autism, but Aspergers as well. Then there's different forms of the two, it's a whole other world) this might provide some reassurance. Like you know it won't be easy. It certainly was no walk in the park for my family. We are still faced with our day to day struggles with Ryan but in the end it's all worth it.
If anyone wants to talk or anything like that, please don't hesitate to contact me or leave a comment below. I hope this post has been helpful to people and I hope you've enjoyed the read. As I said at the beginning, I am in no way, shape or form saying that THIS is Autism, THIS is what it's like because I'm not, as I said everyone has a different experience and are on different levels of the ASD spectrum. Just remember to think about the person you're looking at before you make judgement, there are many layers to a person not just what you see.
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