This post is a bit of a rant, you have been warned!
There seems to be a lot of stuff going around at the moment about when people should be having kids, but the truth is... is there ever a right time? It's also really rude and offensive when you ask people when they're going to have children. What if they can't have children? Or they struggle to conceive or they just don't want children?
There is so much pressure nowadays to have children and it's getting pretty annoying. It's up to you when you have children - up to you and those involved and that's it. If you're ready to have children then that's fine. If you're not, then that's also fine. It's nobodies business but your own. If you have children young, whatever - that's cool. If you have children later - that's cool too.
I don't know about you but I HATE being asked when I'm going to have children because if I'm being totally honest, I don't feel old enough to have children, I'm 22 years old, fresh out of University, looking to get onto the property ladder with my fiancé, enjoy my life a bit, get married and then maybe have children. Not only this but for all I know I might not be able to have children or Kayne might not be able to have children. I don't like feeling like I'm on a clock and that I have to have a child soon or I'll be too old or I've missed my chance and it's gone forever. Nobody should be made to feel like that.
I was recently told that by now I should be settling down and having children despite only being 22 years old. (This conversation was sparked by noticing my engagement ring FYI) I was just shocked and offended really. This may be a generation thing but the person who said this wasn't even old. If it was someone who is my Grandparents age then I could tolerate it because for them, it was the norm when they were my age and even for some of our parents that was the norm. But the thing is, time has moved on and now people can't physically afford to have a child. If you can then great, but I can't and I know there are plenty others who can't afford it. I want to be able to enjoy my life and my body first. I want to experience things and in all honesty, a child would prevent me from doing that. I want to enjoy my youth! Yes, I am in a very serious relationship, I'm coming up to six years in November of being with Kayne. But the thing is, I will always put my education and my career before having children. I've said this from a young age.
I do want children don't get me wrong, so does Kayne, he feels the same as me about when we should/shouldn't have children. We've spoke often about children and whether we will be able to have children or not and we have both said the same thing - we want to enjoy ourselves, live together a few years first, get married and then have children. That's completely fine in my opinion. We've also discussed having fertility tests and what would we do if we couldn't have children - well we have eachother and I'm quite happy with that. I know that Kayne loves me for me and I love him for who he is, we don't necessarily need children in our lives to make it complete because we have eachother (soppy guys, I know). Now I'm not saying that other people NEED to have children in their relationship/lives to feel complete but that is how Kayne and I feel about our relationship. Everyone's circumstances and relationships are different so it's just down to personal preference. Also, to be honest the idea of having a child and it coming out your vagina is pretty terrifying for me! Plus the blood, the needles and the whole shabang - makes me squeemish right now!
I know that people ask innocently when children are going to become part of the picture but people really need to think what the consequences are of their questions. You don't know what is happening in a person's life, for all you know - they could've sadly lost their child or they might not be able to conceive. All I'm saying on this one is - just be mindful of when you ask and who you ask. It's probably best to wait for them to say it to you, that means that they're comfortable enough with you to discuss the likes of children and pregnancy.
Another thing that really, really bugs me is that it's so 'ridiculous' for a woman or a couple to not want children. I know a few people who don't want children and if they don't then that's fine. "Oh, but they might change their mind" Yes, there is that to it, but there is also the possibility that they won't change their mind. I think it's stupid that women don't have the right to be sterilised - it's their body at the end of it all, why should it be dictated to them by someone in the medical profession? If they change their mind later on in life, they can adopt, there's surrogacy, there are different methods of having a child. Some people are utterly repulsed at the thought of having a child and that's cool, it's their life not yours.
Anyway, I'm going to wrap this up because I'm just rambling on. If you made it to the end - well done! Thanks for taking the time to read this post, it means a lot to me! Let me know in the comments what you thought but please remember that this is MY opinion, I'm not saying that all women and men feel this way, this is just how I feel about it all!
Anywhoooo... Thanks again for reading, be sure to follow me on social media for updates on the blog and general bits and bobs! If you liked this post, be sure to check out my other lifestyle topics such as body positivity and confidence - which you can find here (BP) and here (C)! Thank you!
*please note that this post is all my opinion.
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